Monday, February 28, 2011

Number 60 : Emi Renata (エミ ヘナータ)

I've never been to Brazil. Mostly because I once saw this movie where kids raped each other and killed other kids and cut off their hands and stuff. It made Brazil look like a more violent Sierra Leone. That and the kidnappings. I don't think the actual kidnappings ever turn out as nice as the Simpsons would have us believe. They could have at least thrown in some raping in that episode, just to make it believable. Because that's really what the Simpsons lacks -  a sense of reality. Anyway, if I would have never seen that movie, I would have loved to go to Brazil. Carnaval, beef barbecue, topless beaches, good soccer players, and I have never seen an ass ugly Brazilian girl. If Columbia provides blow for the world, Brazil provides the models. And Emi is one of the best. I have a little Carnaval in my pants every time I think about her Brazilian wax. And my beef is all she can eat.



Thursday, February 24, 2011

Number 61 : Beni Arashiro (安良城紅)

Beni's mother originally named her Benihana. She thought it meant Beni Flower. Then someone told her that 鼻 means nose. So she changed her name to Beni Hill. That worked well, but every time she would run, funky music would start to play and girls would chase her in their underpants. She finally took her Dad's name, but then she found out her Dad was secretly Curry Man. That kind of over-acting and terrible sounding Japanese along with the douchy ankh tattoo in the middle of his chest was too much for Beni to bear. She changed her name again and released a smash hit. After a solid 4 years at the top of the hit list, her ego got the best of her, and 安良城 has way too many strokes, so she dropped it. Soon, she's going to be known as simply B or ビ. Unfortunately, when she shortened her name, she shortened her hair. It also shortened her distance from the bottom of my list. Why, why, why do these hot chicks cut their hair? STOP IT! Please.



Sunday, February 20, 2011

Number 62 : Kelly Hu (胡凯丽)

Hu is that local girl you say? She's actually the illegitimate daughter of the supreme leader Hu Jintao. Jintao trained a group of the brightest Chinese kids at a super secret spot in Guangzhou. They were taught in English by an old cripple guy that controlled them with his mind and flew around in an invisible airplane. Every child was strategically placed in different sites around the nation waiting for an X day to reek havoc and start the 3rd world war. They were called the X-team. They would have been called the X-men, but there were actually more women than men in the group. Kelly was placed in Hawaii and won our hearts as Miss Hawaii. She then moved to Egypt and seduced the Rock to become the Scorpion Queen. These days when she isn't raising sexy young vampires, she's working for the female governor as a PR agent and a contact point for the 5-0 team. I'm waiting to see Kono and Kelly have a cat-fight. In bikinis. Or lingerie. Or anything other than those pantsuits she always wears anymore.

Check out the creepy Ted Danson dude in the background!


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Number 63 : Chinatsu Wakatsuki (若槻千夏)

Hehe. Chinastu. Deez nutsu. Deez nuts on your chin...atsu. With a name like that, it's amazing this chick isn't in porn. At least I don't think she is. Is she? Really I want to know. If you know of any porn she's in, let me know. I'm talking about some of that good old fashioned stuff where they put the mosaic on the naughty bits. Not that kid stuff they call gravure. I know she has a lot of that. That was back when she was really hot. She really let herself go lately. Not like a "Christina Aguilera used to be hot and now she's fat" - let herself go. More like a "I'm sexy and perverts will still jerk off to me even if I look like a crazy homeless lady" - let herself go. She really does look like a homeless lady. I'll still buy anything she's selling though. I'm wearing her WC underwear right now in fact.


Blog: (No update since 2008)
Blog: (It's been hijacked by a guy called Handsome)

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Number 64 : Tina Vado (ティナ ヴァド)

This is a true cyber-stalking story made in heaven. I kept seeing this pretty hot looking hapa girl in some of the surf spots I usually go to. Not to surf, but just to troll for hot chicks to think about while I'm in the bathtub at night. Then I saw her in Marisol magazine. Then I turned to my best friend - Google to find out who she is. After hours and hours of searching for ティナ, I finally found her. And her hot blog. With pictures of her on the beach. I also found out something very important that day. There is a lot of porn on the the internet! I had no idea. Just keep your safe search off and go to Google Japan. And type in ティナ. You'll see what I mean. It's insane. I never knew the internet was used for anything other than stalking and downloading music. And the occasional movie. And now it's time for more stalking. And then some music downloading. And porn.



Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Number 65 : Michelle Waterson (ร้อนๆคาราเต้)

The Karate Hottie. Makes me want to drink some Singha beer. Get it. Because she is half Thai. I loves me some Thai girls. Especially a hapa Thai girl. Because I think she'll be freaky like those girls in Soi Six, but then it doesn't take me all night to explain a simple Simpsons reference. It's a win win situation. And Michelle is a MMA fighter. So, that means she's freaky, speaks English, and can kick my ass. I'm getting all bothered thinking about her getting me in a figure four leg lock. And then choking me out. And then taking a shit on my chest. Oh whoops. I've gone too far again. I didn't mean it Michelle, come back here and put me in another submission hold. Or show me your octagon. I'm not sure if that works or not, but whatever.


Blog: (No updates since she got knocked up though)
Myspace: (Someone is still using myspace?)
Twitter:!/mybebee (No updates, it might not even be her.)

Friday, February 4, 2011

Number 66 : Vanessa Hudgens

I can't find anything wrong with Vanessa. And she's half Filipina. And her Chinese zodiac is Dragon. Which makes her even more sexy. That must be why she sent all those dirty pictures to me from her phone. That was a mistake. I remember when I first met her in high school. She was the new girl in town with some rough edges, and I was the basketball star. The problem was that I was the co-founder of the Jets and she was with the Sharks. It was never meant to be, but somehow we made it work. For three beautiful movies. That's the plot of those movies right?