Friday, December 16, 2011

Number 24 : Kelly Huang (小嫻)

If you are a parent expecting a baby, you should name that baby Kelly. That's a sure way to make sure that kid is hot. And if you are a parent expecting a baby and looking to this site for good advice, there's something seriously wrong with you. But really, I have never met a Kelly that is not hot. Kelly Kelly, Kelly Hu, Kelly Kapowski. I think I dated a girl named Kelly once. She was a lush. So naturally I got her drunk. And naked. Except for her socks. Because for some reason she wanted to keep them on. All night long I kept thinking that my roommates were playing that old joke on me where they put a dead fish under my bed. But it turned out it was just her. I guess. I never did find any fish in there. I gave her a douche the next time we went out and I never saw her again. You would think she would appreciate it. I was trying to help her out and it turns out I'm the douche. Anyway, Kelly Huang is super hot. And probably doesn't smell of fish. She kind of has plumped up in the last few years though. I keep telling her to stop swallowing, but she loves it too much. And the best part about hot girls getting fat - they get bigger tits. And fat girls are fun to plow. And she kind of looks like an ex-girlfriend of mine. That went crazy in the sack. So I bet Kelly does that too. I can't decide if I like the fat Kelly or the skinny Kelly better. If I could, I'd do them both at the same time. Someone should invent a machine that can do that. Let me know when you've got that done will ya.

Facebook: (Fan site)
Hudong:小娴 (Who's Dong?)
Show: (Although her profile is missing now)

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Number 25 : Jaime Chung (鍾潔咪)

So, some made up magazine or forum or some such thing called Jaime the most successful Real World alumna. Now, I'm no fan of the Miz, and he really needs to cut back on the fitness drinks that are making him look puffy like HHH, but has Jaime ever been in the main event at Wrestlemania? Has she ever had toys made of her? I mean other than people cutting out her face and pasting it on a blow-up doll? Has she ever had a video game character designed for her? I guess Chi Chi is in most of the DBZ video games, so I think she does beat Miz there. Chi Chi. Hehe. It means boobs. Has she ever been in a movie with Kal Penn? Have any of the other Real World alumna done anything? If they are rating success by the number of times boys are jerking off to those so called alumna, she's beating the Miz 3:2. But, she'll always be the most successful at winning my heart. And my dreams. She gives me a real hard time. If you know what I mean. And if you don't, I mean she gives me a boner.


Facebook: (Fan Page)

Friday, October 28, 2011

Number 26 : Keiko Wakita (脇田 恵子)

I used to hang out with a girl named Keiko. I called her Keikoholio And when I say "hang out" I mean I used to bang a girl named Keiko. And by "bang" I mean I used to stick it in her cornhole. And by "it" I mean my corncob. Maybe that's where the name Keikoholio came from. And she loved it. So that's why I think any girl named Keiko loves anal. And giving blowjobs. I think I discovered Wakita sometime last year. Thank god. I just found out today that she's only 19. So last year she would have still been legal. At least that's what I'm telling myself. Or at least her cornhole would still be legal. Cause that's where she would want me to stick it.



Thursday, October 20, 2011

Number 27 : Rumi Neely (ルミニーリー)

If there is one thing I'm in love with, it's hapa girls. If there's two things I'm in love with, it's hapa girls and booze. Mix them together and you get drunk hapa girls.Which are my specialty. Especially, the one's that have super hot legs. And the one's that wear super short shorts or skirts. Or nothing at all. It's days like this that I flip-flop between a leg man and a breast man. That's why I can't vote. Well, that and my parole board. But seriously, Rumi has some super fine legs. And a pretty hot face. And cool hair. That I'd like to braid. And she often shows off those hot legs. With a super picture heavy blog. Which is funny because the first time I heard of Rumi was on this picture heavy blog. Which is not that picture heavy anymore. Or updated that much. But Rumi updates her blog much more frequently. And gets several thousand comments per blog. Which is about how many times I have dirty thoughts about her everyday. The rest of the time I'm thinking about booze. Which I think is just super.


Blog: (Picture heavy!)
Facebook: (Fan page)

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Number 28 : Hinano Yoshikawa (吉川ひなの)

Man, for the longest time I thought that Hinano's dad was the coolest ever. I mean how cool is it to name your daughter after a Tahitian beer? She's already got a logo and a brand and T-shirts and stickers. And a fan base. And when she turns 13 you can just sell her to the beer company. And they can use her to advertise thier beer in Japan. Can you imagine how much money they could make if they cornered the Japanese beer market? By using a hot chick like Hinano. I used to work with a guy who named all his kids after alcohol. I remember St Ides, Alizé, Cisco, and Junior. I'm not sure where Junior came from though. I think he named his kids after the booze that he was drunk on when he got their Mama pregnant. Maybe that explains Junior. Or maybe he was an alcoholic. Just like Hinano. Or just like I would be if my name was Hinano. Oh wait, I am anyway. Or just like how I imagine a night with her would be. Because there is nothing better than a drunk girl. Unless it's a passed out girl. Or a hot drunk girl. Or a hot drunk girl with no panties. And tattoos. Just like Hinano.


Facebook: (Fan page)
Profile: (Hehe Lespros)

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Number 29 : Winnie (Lori) Zhong (鍾欣怡)

So what's the deal Winnie? Or should I say Lori? I can't tell if this is 2 girls that are twins or 1 girl with 2 personalities. Is she Lori today? Is she Winnie? Is she going to get naked for me? Is she going to be all nice and sweet and horny one minute, then try to bite my dick and take my money and my watch and race away in my car? Actually, a girl with 2 personalities might be a good thing. At least she would have someone to talk to. And wouldn't feel the need to bore me with all the stupid things that other people are doing everyday. Honestly, is there one man out there that truly gives a shit about any of the gossip their wife or girlfriend feed them daily? I barely give a shit about her, what makes her think I want to hear about the sordid details of some people I don't know, that she has to interact with everyday? I guess that might be the downside of split personalities - I might have to hear the same shit twice. And then she would withhold sex from me when I tell her I'm not listening. Back to Winnie or Lori. I'll call her Winnie. And I'll talk dirty to her. And get her all hot and wet. And then should would take off all her clothes. And put them in the dryer. And then scream my name while she sits on the dryer and thinks about me. Naked. Then I could start all over again with Lori. Now that would be fun.


Facebook:鍾欣怡-Lori-粉絲-愛的小舞台-LIVE (Lori)
Facebook:鍾欣怡-Winnie (Winnie)
Facebook:鍾欣怡 (鍾欣怡)

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Number 30 : Stephanie Lum

I really rike Stephanie Rum. Wait, did I use that joke already? Well, it's awesome. Especially when I'm riding in my Rexus. With Rinda Ringle. I'm not too proud to admit that sometimes it takes a little liquid courage for me to get in the mood with certain girls. A little bit of the "el capitan," a little Captain Morgan to loosen up my belt - but that is definitely not the case with Steph. I could get dirty with her even if I was sober. Although that doesn't happen much. Sometimes between 5-6am. Right before I have my Beerios. Or when I'm stuck in traffic. But luckily I have a TV in my Rexus. So I can just tune into HNN and watch Steph and rerax a rittle. That joke will never get old. And neither will my love for Stephanie Lum. I used to follow her around town, marking the places she was reporting from on a map on my wall. Not in a crazy stalker way, I was just trying to find a pattern. And a way into her pants. So I could taste the rum. Or some of the rum filled chocolate.

Blog: (No update since 2010)
HNN Profile:
Wiki: (HNN page)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Number 31 : Rio Matsumoto (松本莉緒)

I used to have a girlfriend that looked a little like Rio. But she had bigger boobs. I thought they might be cousins. Her name was Matsuda though. I guess that means they can't be cousins. And I guess that's why they look alike. I love the name Rio. Like Rio de Janeiro. What an awesome place. I would love to see Rio in Rio. I would also love to see myself in Rio. Both the girl and the city. At the same time. She could wear one of those little Carnaval outfits and dance around my bedroom. And I could show her how my float works. Then we would could for a long romantic walk on the beach. And by a long romantic walk I mean have wild, passionate, sex. In the water. While we drink guarana. Because they say that stuff is an aphrodisiac. And that's exactly what I need with a girl like Rio. I also need to find a picture of her without her camera covering half of her face. Now that is a challenge. But I don't mind. Because she is a beauty. I'm booking my tickets to Rio now.


Monday, September 12, 2011

Number 32 : Ami Ayukawa (鮎川 あみ)

It's not easy trying to find 3 pictures of a porn star that are "safe for work". That won't get me that dreaded "Google warning." And it's not easy looking through over 500 pictures of said porn star without taking a quick break to bate. It's also not easy to write your name in the snow when you're inside your friends bathroom. In the summer. Inside. On an island. Where there is no snow. But I digress. Here's a little tip for you business travelers that have enough free time at the airport to read this gibberish. Any time you find yourselves at the Narita airport, check out the bottom shelf of the electronics shop's DVD/Blu-ray shelf. It's full of porn! I guess it's not really a big deal. Since all of the naughty bits are mosaic'ed out. And this is the country that sells used panties in a vending machine. And also sells porn on Amazon. But nothing can really compare to the look on that old lady's face when you pop some porn into your computer on that flight to Kuala Lumpur. And it really makes you popular with the mothers on the flight too when their kids learn about the blurred out birds and the bees. But now back to Ami. She's the queen of AV. And she has fantastic tits. And a pretty face. She's also the queen of my pants. Where I keep her sceptre nice and warm. I also have some treasure hidden in there too. If she treats me well, it comes out on her face.


Bobx: (NSFW)
Ero-Tube: (NSFW)
Gravure Collection: (NSFW)

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Number 33 : Andrea Fujii (アンドレア藤井)

I really can't explain why I'm so in love with so many news reporters. I usually like my girlfriends better when they shut their piehole. But these reporters talk sometimes for several minutes, and I get a sonic boom in my pants. I remember Andrea from KHON, and I remember thinking she put the "jugs" in juggernaut. Which doesn't make a lot of sense, but she has some big boobies. And she's skinny and petite. A lot of times when you see a really small girl with a giant chest, it makes her look fat. I don't know why, it just does. But Andrea looks fantastic. She might wear too much make-up now and then, but who among us isn't guilty of that? She left a huge void at KHON. Tammy Mori is alright, but she's no Andrea. I will have to give props to KHON's website. Especially because WJZ, where Andrea is now, is the worst news site on earth. I won't go any further on that subject because it's documented very well by me here. But it does suck. And children could do a better website. And it makes it very difficult for me to watch Andrea. And get jealous of her impeccable fashion sense. And beautiful body. 

Profile: (Worst website EVER!)

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Number 34 : Makiyo (川島茉樹代)

I don't know what it is, but the old pictures and videos I have of Makiyo look like a totally different person than the Makiyo of today. It's kind of like when the Ultimate Warrior got injured and then came back a few months later and was shorter and a lot bigger. I heard the original Warrior committed suicide and they covered it up and brought in a different guy. Who could tell back then? Everyone with a painted on mask looked alike. And the resolution on those TVs was so terrible that George Steel just looked like Mean Gene in a sweater. And another thing, who ever adjusts their TV set anymore? I hear people saying it all the time - "Do not adjust your TV set, what you are seeing is really happening." No shit. It's happening in 1080p dipnuts. I know I don't have to adjust my TV set. It was calibrated in the factory. It looks better than real life. Quit wasting your words buddy. Anyway, back to Makiyo. Her zoomers are fantastic. She speaks Japanese and Mandarin. I wonder what language she uses during sex. I mean last time I was with her all she could scream out was my name. The rest of the time she had something in her mouth heading halfway down her throat. After that, the roofie kicked in, so I really couldn't get an answer to my question.



Friday, August 12, 2011

Number 35 : Reina Tanaka (田中 れいな)

What the eff is a Morning Musume? Is that something like a morning wood? Morning Massage Me? With a happy ending? Is it OK for your mechanic to ask you if you want a happy ending with your oil change? Mine did. I didn't know if I should be flattered or frightened. He wasn't that bad though. I mean, I'll never get my oil changed there again, but he wasn't terrible. Eww, gross, I meant the service on my car, not on my balls. That was bad. He needs to go to Thailand to learn a thing or two about happy endings. Or talk to Reina. I think it's cute she has to spell her name in hiragana. It's also kind of uppity. Make's me think that she's dirty. And she's cute as hell. And her tits are fantastic. Last time I saw her, I gave her a happy ending. Several times. It lasted well into the morning. Musu me.


Hello! Project:

Monday, August 8, 2011

Number 36 : Betty Nguyen (Betty Nguyễn)

There is nothing worse than going home early on a Saturday morning sober. There's nothing on TV. They don't even have good cartoons on any more. It's like you're stuck watching paid programming or news. But thank god for Betty Nguyen. She's the modern superhero of the Saturday morning lineup. Even though I still can't say her last name. Apparently neither could Ho Chi Minh, and that's why he changed it. I mean his name, not Saigon. Anyway, Betty used to be on CNN. And now she's on CBS. She traded the NN for more BS. (zing) Now she does the news when only people in Alaska and Hawaii and on meth and crack are still awake. But hey, it's not just BS - it's CBS. So there are potential several million viewers. Just not that early in the morning. If it weren't for Asian reporters, I wouldn't watch the news. Ever. The only reason I even wake up on Saturday is in hopes that Betty might be on the Early Show. Sitting on the couch. Or talking about the debt while giving me those bedroom eyes. And bedroom lips. I guess since I'm still in bed, I'm giving her bedroom eyes back. And she loves it. I'm the highlight of her Saturday.


Hi-Def News Caps:
Website: (Wow, .org)

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Number 37 : Caity (ケーティ)

Before Katy Perry was giving young boys their first tingling sensations, and before Katy Holmes was a beard for Tom Cruise, this Caity was giving me my first tingling sensation. And making me shave my beard. And my balls. And my back. She literally started my fascination with hapa girls. Which also started my fascination with Asian girls. And my fascination with internet stalking. Although I didn't do very well. I know she was a model for DFS. And Where I found these pictures of her. And found out that she was a student, possibly at UH Manoa. And even though I sat in front of a different building everyday for 730 days I never did meet her. So that's why I returned to cyber stalking. It's a lot easier to give up. And find information. And it's a lot easier to masturbate in front of a computer than it is in front of the Stan Sheriff center. At least there's a lower chance of getting arrested. Unless you're in front of a computer in the library. But seriously, if anyone has any information about Caity - let me know. The links section is lonely at the bottom of the page.


Former Website:
Random Website: (...I found this looking for ANYTHING to do with Caity - and failed, but there is still a hot chick in a bikini!)

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Number 38 : CJ Gibson

Sometimes I sit around and try to figure out what CJ means. (What else am I supposed to do in this economy?) I really never came up with anything good. Car Jack? Clit Jockey? Cervical Junction? Larry? Camilla Jane? Candy Jar? Communist Jogger? Centipede Jungle? Crying Juggalo? Crotch Johnson? Christian Jibberjabber? Comedy Jeanius? Hank? I usually get bored with that after 7 seconds and imagine what it would be like to examine every inch of her boobies. I would give her a free breast examination daily. Or hourly. Just when I decide I'm a leg man or an ass man someone with a perfect breasts like CJ comes along. Then I come along. If you get what I mean.


Model Mayhem:
Myspace: (Check it out quick, it might be gone tomorrow!)

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Number 39 : Grace Park (그레이스 박)

So I still can't follow the plot of Lost - even if it has new characters and changed it's name to Hawaii 5-0. All the extras and the stage hands are the same. Here's what I figured out so far - the Korean guy is still there, but he speaks more English now. And his cousin is really a Cylon. But she doesn't know this because she's a sleeper cell. In fact no one knows this and they let her into HPD, but thankfully she killed off Lady Deathstrike who was posing as the Governor's attache and now she's in jail. For those of you that are a little slow, that Cylon is Grace Park. She's not fooling me, but Cylon or not, I would rummage through her underwear drawer. And now that she's spent some time in prison, you know she's going to be freaky. Those female prisons are full of lesbians and pillow fighting. It's like a boot camp for dirty nasty porn. Nothing like the pound-you-in-the-ass federal prisons. Although that is something else great about any ex-con, they're into anal. My parole officer wasn't amused when I told him I was going to plant my tree in the park - Grace Park! (nudge, nudge). I just wonder if it would be more appreciated in the front yard or the back yard now.


Facebook: (Fan page)
Website: (Fan site)